居家上海 Shanghai lockdown
从3月11日的中午办公楼内出现大白，大家仓皇离开公司开始居家办公，3月29日最后一次出小区买菜，到今天为止是4月16日了。
我住在市区中环附近的一个生活区内，这是这个城市很早发展的一个区域，所以到现在已经开始显现出一些老去的样子：这里有很多老人居住，平时走在附近的街道上，总是会想到岁月。住的房子也老了，是一九八几年建设的。这里的房子多数是六层的楼房，一梯四户。本来没有电梯，目前片区改造正在增设电梯，会在楼房外挂一个垂直电梯。而突如其来的封控也让这一施工暂时停滞了。
I started work from home since noon March 11, when the Baymax showed up in our office building at lunch hours. At that time when they appear, it normally means the premise will be locked down. So we all left quickly to avoid being quarantined there. March 29 is the last time I went outside my apartment complex to buy fresh food. And today is April 16.
The neighborhood I live in is near the Middle Ring of the city. This area is developed quite early so some parts of it look old. Firstly, there are many elderly people living here. Usually when walking in the neighborhood, the faces I met always remind me of the long time passed away. The apartment buildings I lived in are built during 1980s. They are mostly 6 floor with 4 apartments on every floor. Originally there are no elevators. There is a program to add elevators for the sake of the elderly so they don’t need to climb the stairs everyday. After the program, there will be an elevator outside my building. The surprise lock down has made the construction stop.
在居家的这段日子里，时常出现两个我来回切换，一个是短暂的天真快乐，另一个是痛心的困惑。
During the lock down period, there are two me switch on and off. One has enjoyed temporary naive happiness, while the other one feels painfully confused.
作为一个享受独处的死宅，在平时并不觉得长期呆在家里很难熬。而封控之后，我反而因为不需要通勤和工作项目数量的减少，多了很多属于自己的时间。由于种种的幸运（年轻人对网络世界的灵活使用/公司的福利/朋友的分享/平时的屯粮习惯），我的生活物资相对充沛，而且我唯一会担心无法独自处理突发事件的母亲也在身边。所以反而我开始看书、思考，花更多时间陪我的母亲和猫咪，早起早睡无需化妆健康饮食。这样的前提下，我没有任何可以抱怨的了，甚至很开心。
As a person who enjoy spending time with myself, I don’t feel it is a hard time not going outside. I have more free time after the lock down because of the change in work schedule and the time saved with no need to commute from home to work. With many luck(the familiarity of network as a young man/ food package offered by company/friends share info and food/habit to store food in ordinary times), I have abundant food and daily life supply. The only person I will be worried about during this kind of time is my mother. And she is together with me during the lock down. So instead of being insecure, I started to read, write and rethink, spending much more time to company my mother and my cat. I can have a healthier daily schedule, no need to do make up, having healthier diet. With all these preconditions, I have nothing to complain about. I have to say, I feel happier than before.
而另一个我是这段时间最常见的状态了。这样听起来很像是个多重人格患者，但确实有明显的状态间的切换。不知道别人有没有这样的体会，我在刷微博的时候经常会感觉到，上一条因为看到一个很可爱的小猫小狗的图片而发自内心的大笑，往下一刷就是一条悲剧性新闻比如拐卖妇女，开始消化信息中的悲愤并思考，然后又在其他源源不断的信息中情绪来回变化。
而这一次封控期间，就是这样的但更极端的情绪。
But the other me show up a lot. This might sound like having multiple personality disorder. Different states switches quite obviously. I am sure some people has experience this, too. When browsing through Weibo, I will laugh because of those funny pics of cute dogs and cats. Then the next Weibo is exhibiting a news regarding a tragic story of kidnapping. The grief and anger struck in and stopped my previous emotion. Then things continues this way on and on.
During this lock down, the emotion switch is more extreme and real.
就是今天，小区的群中发来消息有邻居老人中风了，据说救护车排队无法赶来所以在小区群内求助氧气物资和私家车。后来救护车还是来了，到达了医院后的家属在群里反馈医院人满为患无法抢救。
同一个医院，也是今天看到的消息，另一个老人由于疑似急性胰腺炎去往这家医院后由于院内有阳性被拒绝接收，再连续被另一家医院接收救治后只能自行回家，第二天一早老人被妻子发现因疼痛而跳楼自杀身亡。
For example today, a message urge for help showed in the complex’s group message box. There is a neighbor got a stroke. But the ambulance is not able to come because you need to line up. So the family asks help in the group for a private car to deliver. But things became more complicated when we were informed that the private car need to be equipped with oxygen machine to carry the patient. Finally, the ambulance came and deliver the patient and his family to the hospital near here. After a few hours, the family said the hospital is so full that you need to line up for emergency room. They cannot receive first aid right away.
For this same hospital, I saw another news today. A 70 year old man went to this hospital with his wife because of suspected acute pancreatitis. It is a such painful disease, even when reading the description, the words tingled down my spine and made me shudder. But hospital rejected to treat him without any medical action. Then they have to go to another hospital and got rejected again. They cannot do anything but went home. The next early morning, the 70 year old man was found by his wife dead on the ground in front of the building. He took suicide by jumping off the building, because of the unbearable pain.
真让人心痛啊。如果没有网络，没有自发的传播新闻，也许我的心情可以天真的开心着。但这些事情其实真切在城市里发生着，无声的沉默的，或是舆论鼎沸的。而且如果没有网络的信息，从3月29日至今，如若仅靠4月2日下发给我们这一户三个人的一点可怜的物资，我们肯定已经陷入食物短缺。幸亏有网络，我们通过各种买菜软件定时抢菜；公司搜集了地址为员工发了送到小区的救助礼包；后来每个小区都开始了自发网络团购，共同购买分摊商家的高额运送费用。
Such a heartbreaking news. If there is no net work, I might still fell happy. But things are happening in the city, silently or not. Meanwhile, if there is no network, my family has been facing real food shortage. Thanks to the network, we paid a lot of efforts everyday by making group purchase on an app’s (to share the high transportation fee as a result for more cost on staff, vehicles, traffic permit etc. due to the lock down) and rushing to purchase on different apps without leaving apartment.
老话说，坏事传千里。当看到网上求助的血透病人迟迟无法规律性治疗，外地的癌症患者只能住在酒店中祈祷癌细胞不转移，物资发放迟迟不能到位且出现莫名的倒卖的等等新闻。这些新闻会在舆论中传播的很快，我们这些在这个城市的人们的传播与讨论更多是惊愕这些事情的发生，这种惊愕的底层思维在于我们原本相信这座城市以及背后的决策，相信其支撑决策落地的能力。大家都希望这些只是极个别的极特殊极罕见的事件。而事件的频繁程度和各类事件内容，让我失望。从一开始通知的封4天到现在封了半月，这几天在我的心目中不仅是一场无准备之仗，更是目睹一场涣散的、无主心骨、信息断层的混乱。
Ill news travel fast.
The patients need regular hemodialysis, cancer patients came to the city for better treatment, they all have to wait because they are not the ones who are in emergency. Even patients must be treated at once have to wait in line for hours or even days. As the medical system is so exhausted and overburden, dispatching most of the nurses and doctors to every subdivision of apartments in city for covid-19 related tests and handling. The daily life goods and materials prepared for people get locked down are delayed or arrived but in bad condition. There are so many of this kind of news and they spread so fast. The messages seeking for help or the administration scandals during lock down are everywhere.
When we open our mobile, we are so shocked every time, by the news and by the amount of these news. The shock comes from the original belief in the city management. But most of us are disappointed. It is suppose to be a 4 day lock down. Till now, we are witnessing a flight without prepare. There are growing evidence of indiscipline, lacking of communication and overall planning ability.
我们的敌人应该是肆虐的病毒，我们的目标应该是清零，一起携手努力走一条我们国家、制度下认为必须走且可以走的路径。疫情当前，是“动态清零”还是“与病毒共存”？“如何选择，表面上看是抗疫的理念之争、策略之争、方法之争，本质上则是制度之争、国力之争、治理能力之争，甚至是文明之争。” 与别的国家的人们选择了不同的路径，需要全国一起配合，这很好啊。国人应该是最擅长最乐于跟着强国利民政策、为了民族利益、为了一句口号一起打气加油的民众了吧。
而这几天国外的报道也看了，Trevor Noah的调侃也笑了。看到城市里拥有的是百姓的配合、基层的乏力、医疗的紧缺、上层的口号。口号到实际落地间的距离，是现在看到官媒报道的太平，只能无奈一笑啊。大家开始不确定下一个口号的力度，开始不敢信下一个期限能否实现。希望这座城市清醒起来，请不要听不见看不见，请不要不回答不沟通，不要辜负已经付出的沉重代价。
Our opponent is the virus. Our target is zero cleaning. We should and are capable of doing this. It is actually inspiring to choose a path different with the other countries. Because it manifests our strength, opinion, confidence and uniqueness. And we have the most united people when it is related with nation benefits.
However, what we see is the cooperative people in the city, the powerless of basic level of administration, the overburden medical system, the slogan of the government, the distance between slogan and reality, the ridicule of Trevor Noah, the related news reported abroad. We want to continue to believe but kind of hard to believe again.
This city could and should do better. Please don’t fail the expectation. Please don’t fail the high cost we paid already.